An Open Letter To The Girl Who Oinked At Me

[Content note: fat shaming, self-harm, anxiety, disordered eating]

To "the girl who oinked at me in South Kensington tube station",

I'm sorry for the impersonal greeting there, but obviously, I don't know your name. I suppose I could call you "the vicious, spiteful little fucker", but that hardly narrows it down, does it? Still, it's more polite than the way you greeted me yesterday - by walking right up to me, oinking in my face and laughing with your friends as you walked off.

I get it, I'm fat. Fat people are stereotyped as pigs. Ha ha.

Did you happen to notice that I had my husband and four year old son with me? You may not have done because they were a little bit in front of me, and you no doubt had your hands full trying to manage walking and preparing for your hilarious joke at the same time. I know, these things are hard when you have the intellect of a gnat. Anyway, when we had our oh-so-funny run-in, I was on my way home from spending an afternoon out at a museum with my husband and our youngest son. It was the first time in six months that I'd felt brave enough to go anywhere on a train, and it was the first time in more than a year that I'd been able to take my son somewhere like that.

I find these things hard to do because of arseholes like you. To you, it's just a quick joke, "Ha ha, let's make fun of the fatty!", but to me it's another three weeks stuck at home because I don't want to risk getting similar abuse.

Did you happen to notice the scars on my arms? They're from cutting myself; I started at the age of 12 because of bullies like you.

Did you see that I was staring at the ground, not daring to look up in case I saw someone looking disgusted at me? I kinda think you did. It would explain why you got so close, just so I would be sure to realise that it was me you were directing your abuse towards.

I'm sure you're thinking "It was just a joke, how could I know any of this stuff? I was just messing around!" You couldn't have known that I frequently have days of starving myself, of not eating for 36 hours at a time, as a punishment for anything and everything. You couldn't have known that your 'silly little joke' would cause me to have a panic attack on the train. And that's entirely the fucking point. When you do things like this, you don't know what the other person is going through; you don't know what your little joke might do to someone, SO DON'T DO IT.

The thing is though, the fact that I'm fat was the only thing that you knew about me, and it is by far the least important. I am also an excellent baker. I enjoy crocheting, even if I'm not very good yet. I watch It's A Wonderful Life every Christmas Eve with my husband and I cry like a baby every time. I have several first edition Stephen King books. I am a wife, and a mother, and I am loved. I am human.

And now, you obnoxious privileged brat, I'm going to let go. I refuse to give you any more space in my head, and I won't let you push me into staying home for weeks. I am entitled to exist in a public space even though I am fat.

I hope one day you look back on what you did with shame.

Yours sincerely,

Feminist Cupcakes

Sunflower Wreath

(No posts for weeks, and then three in one day! You can insert your own bus joke here)

Hanging above our bed we have this wreath that I made at Christmas. It's still there because I love how it looks, and it was my first craft success ever (seriously). I made it using this tutorial from Jill at Baby Rabies

 When Andy's mum came over recently she said that she liked it, so I decided to make her one for her birthday. She also loves sunflowers, so I swapped the red felt for yellow, and added a piece of black glittery felt in the centre to make it look like a sunflower.

It's a great wreath for spring because it's just so damn cheerful and bright. It would be great to have hanging on the front door for Easter. As long as it stops snowing and raining that is.

Anniversary Quilt

Two weeks ago my parents had their 45th wedding anniversary, and as a present I decided to make them a quilt. If you've read any of my other posts about sewing you'll know that I've only been sewing for a couple of months now, and this was by far the most ambitious project I've taken on. I found that the most important thing was to research the crap out of it before you even think of starting. I read dozens of tutorials on the various ways of cutting the fabric, basting the layers, quilting techniques... Every step got thoroughly researched because I had literally no clue what I was doing.

The equipment that I found indispensable was

• a rotary cutter (you need perfectly straight lines for a quilt and scissors just won't do it)
• a walking foot for my sewing machine. It has feed dogs on the foot so that the top and bottom layers of the quilt feed through at the same rate and don't get moved around or bunched up.
• 505 Temporary Spray Adhesive. This stuff is incredible. Instead of basting a quilt with safety pins, buy a can of this stuff, it works perfectly.

I have to say, I'm really pleased with how it came out. There were a couple of squares that didn't align perfectly, but they were only off by millimetres, and the quilting lines are a bit wonky, but for a first attempt, I'm very pleased.

That's Andy behind there. I couldn't get a decent picture of it spread out on the floor so he's holding it up for me.

I went for straight line quilting on this one, but for the next one I think I'll try free motion. I prefer the look of it.

This took so long to do, but it was really worth it. It made the whole project look a lot more personal.

I chose pinks and blues because the 45th anniversary is sapphire

I have a Pinterest board with some great tutorials that I used here.