Saturday, 12 October 2013

Getting back to blogging

Yeah, I know, it's been four months since I last blogged on here. I'm a bad blogger, and you have my heartfelt apologies (all two or three of you).

I do however have a good excuse. It's because I've actually been doing things. Like, real things involving going out and everything! I know, I'm as shocked as you are. In my last post I mentioned that I was dealing with an organisation called Enabling Independence, but I've now been discharged from that service (and I'm missing the lovely Molly dreadfully!) because they felt I was doing so well. I'm now a lead volunteer at my local library, and I'm in charge of the library at Jack's school (on a volunteer basis, but believe me, I'd love to do this as a paid job). Oh, and I'm also thinking about being able to go back to work! That's been the biggest change, that I can think about working and not feel my heart racing and my lungs clamp shut from fear. Unfortunately what I'd love to do is work in a library, but I'm sure no-one needs reminding about the state of library funding these days. I'm not quite there yet, but I'm a lot closer than I was six months ago.

Somewhere I seem to have picked up some self-esteem too. I've looked in the mirror a couple of times lately and thought "Wow, I look really cute today.". It's a major difference for me. A couple of months ago I couldn't even accept a compliment without thinking that the complimenter was lying, and now I'm actually complimenting myself. When it happens I just want to cry with gratitude. I'm planning on writing a separate post about self image and body positivity though, so I'll expand on this a bit more there.

I have still had the odd bad day, it isn't all sunshine and kittens, especially now that it's October and bloody miserable (seriously, I'm starting to forget that the world has a colour other than grey). So while I am still having bad days they are far fewer in number and intensity, and I'm able to deal with them a lot better thanks to the CBT. When I do have bad days I make an effort to not beat myself up about it too much. I was feeling pretty crappy a couple of days ago so I posted a list I wrote of things to remember when I feel depressed.

I promise I'll try and blog a bit more regularly from now on!


  1. Hey girl! Glad to hear that you have made so much progress! This is really amazing news and you should be very, very proud. Your writing is superb, I love how you can seem to let go and let the good shine through without glossing over the bad. Keep blogging. I have found it to be good for my soul. The problem is that if I never leave the house, I find very few things to blog about.
    Something interesting happened to me tonight. My husband is very gracious and kind to me and never complains if I have a bad day, or week, or month. But we were taking about someone else's depression/mental health issues. I said to him. 'it must be so wonderful, so wonderful to be well adjusted and sane, like you are...'. and he said:
    "must be SO HARD for her to find the motivation to brush her teeth while picking out which new Cadillac she wants!"
    And I. Just. Stared. at him. Yes, I said. It is hard. Money is nothing when you deal with this. And then he felt bad and shook his head and explained that he did not, in fact, understand. But he tries to make room in his head for the unknown.
    Aren't I a lucky girl?
    And this boy has to put up with some chick that fancies Gideon!

    1. P.S. that video you sent me is still making me laugh! haha! thank-you